Wow 6 weeks without a blog is the longest I have ever gone without a blogging in some time. How remiss of me.
I have just been swimming... That is right swimming in a sea of my thoughts and many things that are in my head. It has been a year almost to the day that I moved to Portland. It is crazy to think that much time has passed.
I have reflected a lot recently on what it is in my life I am aiming for in my development not only as a person but as a friend, advocate, artists, and all around soul. I have been thinking I am depressed but I truly do not believe that is what I am going through. I think a better world is transforming.
I have spent a great deal of time reflecting on friends as of late. The truth is that my list of true friends is growing smaller all the time. I predict that happens as we all get older. I have learned that as I get older my filter of what is and is not a good friendship has changed and skewed. I am worn from feeling of my life being less important than ones I interact with on a regular basis.
I have also learned I am holding something back ... a damn that is holding back a flood of emotion that is welling and when it spills I am so afraid what it will lead to and how it will all spill out. I think that is truly the reason I haven't been writing.
I find now that I am letting go of the people who sucked the energy dry from me the emotions are slowly bubbling to the surface. Throughout the resurfacing I have been having creative visions that are more pure and clear than I have ever imagined. I know that if i hermit myself away from the negative energy that is drawn to me and resolve to find peace within myself I will burst.
I am devoting more time in the next few months to something Jacob and I are both committed to: Our Mind, Body, and Soul. I feel we are a good pair and it is so amazing that we are both on the same page and have the same goals. I just know that at this stage in my life I feel destined for something so much more than I am now.
I know this... I feel this...
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