Thursday, April 23, 2015

E is for Excommunication

ExCommunication: to exclude or expel from membership or participation in any group, association, etc.: When one hears the term “excommunication”, the first reference that comes to mind is the idea of church and being expelled from ones church of choice. That is a topic I will definitely hit upon at a later date. The last few weeks have been a challenging one to say the least. Speaking with my therapist I have started realize the loneliness I have recently been feeling was deeper engrained than I had originally thought. A lot of it started last fall. Truthfully when my friend, Steve, decided to take his life he left me with a giant hole. Steve was that friend you can message anytime and get the support you needed even if you felt like everyone else around you did not get you. I think that it is so important to have friends outside of your relationship that you can vent and get your frustration out. The problem as I see it is society has twisted and turned on itself. Today’s forms of communication involve very little human contact along with minimal empathy. It is so much easier to send a FB message or text instead of a phone call to reach out. The trend though that I have noticed though is an utter lack of courtesy. The idea that you can “unfriend” someone and they are removed from your life seems too simple. Recently I had an experience with a friend that was proof positive that communication in today’s world is broken. This friend and I reconnected after a few years of distance as well very little contact of any kind. After reconnecting we picked up right where we left off and he even started setting in motion plans to move back to the NW. After offering a place to stay as well as a possible timeline, everything halted. A cryptic message on Facebook was posted and I messaged him to find out what was happening and since then nothing. After attempting contact every form I could think of still no answer. I would love to say that this was an isolated incident but unfortunately it is not. This has happened with former coworkers, friends, and even relatives. The part that I am still baffled by is what happened to us, as a society, that “unfriending” comes so easily. Like a click of a button and then …BOOM…no communication. So few people actually will talk about the issues surrounding them and work through the rough times. Instead we live in a world that just cuts off and never hearing from the other person again. Someone like me is not built to withstand being cut off. My solution is slowly disconnecting and playing dangerous games of “I will not send a message or call until they call me”. I find then that I become the problem. My fear of communication has actually developed into an anxiety. Mostly the anxiety has become so huge because now I have no clue how to communicate when outside of a work environment. The result = a lot of silence.