my "love letter"...

I do not believe in coincidences. I DO believe that a lot of things happen for a reason and with a lesson that we can choose to gain from if we open ourselves up for the universe to see.

There have been many strange occurrences lately that seem to be speaking to me. In the media I have seen many things end. 1st there was my fave show Smallville where I learned we all have a bit of hero in ourselves, Brothers and Sisters ended with a sense of family, after 25 years I watched someone I admire for her heart and spirit end her run as a TV hostess. Watching Oprah end her show was like watching the end of an era.

"I hope what you will take from this show is to live from the heart of yourself,"- Oprah Winfrey

These words resound in my soul very deeply. I do not think it is chance that I started to disconnect a bit from the social network world at this stage in my life. I am finding solace in my own heart and soul. I am learning to take a breath and enjoy the little moments.

I agree with Oprah that we all have a calling and sometimes we may need to find it. I am learning that one of my calling is to be a support to the people in my life, to be someone that can be turned to and to be a friend.

I know that I have a gift in my ability to write and use words. I am still fine tuning my ability to speak from my heart open and honestly. I am starting to learn to listen to the whisper I hear. A whisper, that tells me that I have a calling to do more than what I am now. I know that I am on the right path.

The truth that I know is that all good things stem from love. I have joked about it before but the truth is my birth parents were peace loving hippies that wanted a "symbol of their love". They tried to have a child, as that symbol, at some point I arrived. I was born of love!!! That is so awesome. That is powerful no matter how you look at it. It is something to be remembered when my days feel bleak and stark.

I do not think that it is by shear dumb luck that I have been given the challenges that I have had or will have in the future. I do not look at all the bad things in my life as bad things that I was a victim to. I try to see that there is a purpose and, though I do not know yet the full capacity, I know that I am on this earth to help heal people.

I know that I have not survived abuse, abandonment, depression, HIV, heartache and my fair share of loss unless there was a reason for it. I am also realistic in knowing that I will not wake up one day and all the parts my internal workings physically, mentally, or spiritually will be perfect but I do know that I am healing more and more every day.

I used to vision what my future would be like. I have more than I ever could have even have imagined. Oprah's final show was a "love letter" to all the people who supported her. I have decided that I will start my own "love letter" in my soul and work to share it.

This is what the whisper is saying inside me and what will lead me to my calling.

the flux of a cocoon...

Flux... The word flux comes from Latin: fluxus means "flow", and fluere is "to flow"

That is a word I understand. I feel as if one thing that is constant in my life has been a certain flow that has existed since the day I was brought into this world. One life changing event to another flow like over and over.
Lately I feel that there is a new flux happening in my world. It is not so much a change in terms of anything major but a mental state that I never had before. It is a bit clarity and change of consciousness.
It started with a bit of, letting go, of the cyber world. No more texts from twitter, less time on Facebook. I am working towards calling or at least texting people more often. Trying harder to keep connected to the real world.
The scary part was, in reaching out there came a point that I started to let go of some people. I realized that there are many people who would rather live online and in a reality far from the reaches of human contact.
There have also been many new connections and popping my head and I feel that I have finally let the brick wall down that I had up for year and years. I think a big part of this is due to the nurturing and caring that has been in my life. I am starting to see what true love and caring are by my definitions.
The brick wall has now been replaced by a cocoon...
I feel like I have wrapped myself up and finishing putting myself together. Unlike the brick wall that I had around me for so long the cocoon is a bit more fragile, but it is not built to protect but more to nurture myself. Hold myself in place while I continue to grow into what I should.
I have had this overwhelming sense that this cocoon will continue to heal me in many ways to prepare of this chapter of my life I am currently on. I have so much support and I am learning to ride out my feelings. My partner helps me everyday realize that I am so blessed. I feel that I am learning to enjoy the simple moments and not take so many things for granted. Sometimes, just seeing dutchess playing or the cats cuddling can make a whole day better. A simple I love you can make my day seem brighter.
I am so thankful for everyone in my life who is here and able to just let me grow every day.