I love learning anything and everything that I can. It is an exciting thing to be able to take in your surroundings and to ingest the idea, thoughts or general practices of those in this world we all live. There is a downside to being a human sponge though, all these news concepts get inside of my being and get “cramped up” (for lack of a better term).
I feel as if my head is bursting with so many ideas and I do not know how to contain it. As a result I find that I cannot write it all down. The overwhelmingness (Yes I know it is not a real word) definitely keeps me weighted down mentally and makes me just want to throw my hands up sometimes.
My husband has to spend a lot of time saying to slow down and focus on one thing at a time. I tend to do well with all my day to day activities but when it comes to my creative endeavors I fall pretty short. The ideas that I get flow, get fractured, warped and skewed by the time I sit down to write. Then I cannot figure out the way to make any of it all make sense.
The bad habit is I also strive way too hard for perfection. I find myself analyzing not only my creative endeavors but also my audience. I decide exactly what thoughts I share with people as I write and thereby edit before I get the thoughts out.
As a response, all the vowels, consonants, hypothesis, and allegories fall into the mental funnel inside my head and block up somewhere in my cortex. Imagine it like blocks that are trying to push through a round hole the size of a straw. Not pretty and truly not assistive in any way.
The irony of course is that I am always looking for the best way to utilize time. Efficiency is key and I work very hard to be efficient and stay positive and relaxed. Then I sit down to write and the mush hits followed by my brain shutting off. The Pressure valve is not easy to turn off.
I am going to start working on better ways to organize my head space. The exhaustion created from the collected chaos surprisingly affects my energy level, not to mention my ability to communicate properly most of the time. I need to find some type of mental ex-lax.
I am built to create. I know this in my core.