formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/aphoenixrising

Sunflowers....

Balance and love... They can exist ... I have long abandoned the general writings of what did I do today or this weekend or any other general life stuff. But this past weekend was so amazing ... and I think not many recognized the beauty of it all like I did.

I felt a blooming!!!!!!!

This weekend was the PORTLAND AIDSWALK. This was my 4th walk. 2 in Seattle and 2 in Portland. It was my second with my partner. This year felt fresh and clean ... anew. Last year I felt a heaviness that I can not really explain.

I believe part of it is how I am very open about my status. I view my getting HIV as the catalyst for me to focus my energy outside of me (in a health way). I took the challenge and decided to grow and nurture some good from it. If it had not been for HIV I would not have met my partner, had my amazing pets, been the man I am now.

My partner on the other hand has struggled with his status. It is not something he has ever been "out and about" with. Then he met me. Poor guy did not know what he was getting into. Then this past summer I did the CNN article. We both did not expect that it was going to be all over the news locally and everyone would know about it.

I feel bad that the price that came with my openness was Jacob having to open himself up and talk about something he was not ready to. He though has become a man that I admire and love even more with his honest heart he exposed himself to a part of who he is.

I on the other hand have always suffered a bit from fear of what I would say and discuss would embarrass my family. I find I watch myself thinking all my thoughts first in case something I say offends my Mom or my brothers. So when my mom said she would walk with us I was so excited and scared... what if i said something and offended her? What if I exposed her to something she was not ready for? What if she freaked out seeing me in a comfortable environment.

Well as these things are; I got to see both Jacob and my mom embrace so much of life this past weekend:

The moment that to me exemplifies so much of a moment to me is when they asked people who were HIV+ to walk to front of the stage and Jacob grabbed my hand. In that moment Jacob become one of the bravest people in my world. The personal courage it took to be able to embrace that has been such a journey for him.

We walked and I took a back seat and observed watching my mom have fun and hanging with so many new people... she even asked if next time she come to Portland if she could see a drag show. (insert eyes popping out of my head). She even wanted me to "take pictures of unique people to put on Facebook for my conservative friends to see".

I could not have seen two people I love more embracing who they are. I feel as if my emotions would jump and my heart would melt. I think as I have grown I have been blessed to see others grow.

There was a peace that came over me, a sense that I finally was in the perfect place at the perfect time... I know now that fall is upon us that I am exactly where I need to be and ready to work on following the examples of those closest to me.

I am loved, I feel loved, I feel connected and blessed....