Trilogy

The number 3 has always held a deep meaning and close to heart number for me. I have always had things in my life happen in 3's. The power of three is so powerful for so many reasons beyond what seems the most obvious.

There will always be the obvious religious aspect of (the father, son , holy ghost), there is always the saying "all bad things come in threes" (I am not sure bad things have come in three for me), and of course supposedly all deaths occur in three's as well. I have just personally found that the number three brings such good fortune to my life. It is almost a mystical number to my existance.

I have been thing about the 3's lately. It has been clearer as of late that I am starting in a third stage of some sort in my life. Returning home to witness my grandparents celebrating 60 years of marriage as well as seeing my freind Eric Himan (www.erichiman.com) put my mind into a tailspin. So many thoughts... mostly about stages.

STAGE 1: SPOKANE:

Being born and raised in a small minded place like Spokane was always a challenge for a guy like me. I never honestly felt that was where i was meant to stay, even at a young age. The first stage of mt development I feel was the flaundering stage. Spokane brought me the awareness that I was stronger than most. I would lean on this trait throughout the years but I felt so very confused by my own purpose. very lost and out of touch.

My time in Spokane saw me grow from the loss of my bio-parents, the blessing of my current parents and created family. Pain, loss, and heartache were not foreign to my soul or to my energy. I was married and lied about my true self and the fact that I was indeed GAY. eventually I would fall in love for the first time with a man that at the time was self destructive but necessary. I was green to the world and not sure I would survive the growing and changing that was necessary.

Months before I moved to Seattle I had felt a shift. I knew life wouldnt be the same. Angelo's health was suffereing and that meant a temporary move to Seattle for a stem-cell transplant. My freind Rose had told my mom before I moved "Do you think that he will be back", I was told my moms reply was "I dont think so". The move was very WIDE OPEN SPACES ( insert Dixie Chicks reference). Little did I know what the future would hold.

STAGE 2: SEATTLE:

Moving to Seattle ended up being permanent. Very early, within months my life changed very drastically. Angelo was healed but there was a shift that had set in by then and we no longer worked as a couple. But the adventure that Seattle was just beginning. I could not have been prepared if you had told me in advance. Thank goodness noone did though.

Seattle was my first chance at self reflection, truthful and honest encounters with gay culture. I started volunteering, learned about Gay prides, politics (both community and worldy), I learned all about all what the meaning behind each of the LGBT letters meant. I worked and lived, laughed and attempted love. I fell and picked myself back up.

Then the diagnosis 4 years ago which made me whip myself around and wake up to a whole new way of life. I learned to make myself priority #1. Not to be hurt both physically and mentally. I learned to not take any part of life for granted. I learned that I am worth more than I had ever given myself any credit for, I found something deep inside me that I didnt even know existed. I learned that i could write, i had a photograpghic eye, and a voice . It was very SILENT ALL THESE YEARS (insert Tori Amos reference).

I learned a whole different kind of heartbreak, I even became an entrepeneur shortly with Glass Phoenix as a local music promoter. That is where I realized I had many talents in my heart and soul. I understood songs and words that I never grasped before. I delved into my soul that was a KITTEN and pulled a very strong TIGER.

I learned the value of a true freind and someone who is an acquaintence. I learned so much from Seattle. Seattle brought me clarity of mind that I could never have had previously. The last thing Seattle changed about me was it led me to something that i struggled to find my whole life:

TRUE LOVE!!!!!!!

Yes i know all things happen for a reason and I know that I am finally open hearted and my soul is right where it is supposed to be. I finally feeled loved from the inside out. I have learned that the light that we create comes from inside first and that noone can make that happen for you. There is truly peace within my soul.

STAGE 3: PORTLAND:

With this enlightenment that I feel I am ready for the next adventure. Much like the feeling I had when leaving Spokane 8 years ago. I know that Seattle has been good to me but that I am ready for new energy. Seattle has taught me more in the past 8 years than Spokane did in the previous 27 years. I have thought about moving for a long time and then I received a surprise gift from the universe...

Jacob... he has entered my life at the perfect time and the perfect stage of my development. I know this is the third stage where I am read to be a grown up and be settled with the man I have dreamed about.

I am getting things set up... resumes written, jobs being searched, plans being made...

No I am not moving tomorrow or even next week... It will be a few months but I know it is the right move and that I am about to begin the best and most amazing journey of my whole life... I have been waiting to be in this place my whole life and I feel like the road ahead is clear and ready to move forward... this time though it will be with someone that I feel so complete with and loved by...

Here is to the best ...