Authentic Scar

What is Authenticity of the soul and heart?

What makes us tick and be who we are deep in the surface in our core?

Authentic self refers to our genuine person; who we really are at the very core of our being.
I have been swimming in thoughts lately about what it means to be authentic and not ashamed of who you are and know that it is good enough for the people that you associate with all around

Like most people I have a fear of rejection but found as an adult this manifested itself in a fear of having no friends and so I tried to hold onto every person that I could.

I tried hard to fit into many different crowds and many different "types" and tell the right jokes, have the right look. It is sad I look back and I see all that I really did was open myself up to be molded into what others wanted me to be.

There is a song by Missy Higgins called "Scar":

"So the next one came with a bag of treats,
She smelled like sugar and spoke like the sea
She told me don't, trust them trust me.
Then she pulled at my stitches one by one,
Looked at my insides clicking her tongue,

And said "This will all have to come undone".

A triangle trying to squeeze through a circle,
She tried to blunt me so I'd fit."

That is how I felt. I was being blunted. Sometimes down to the music I listened to or the clothes I wore. In some cases even the color or style of my hair.

Well just as life has grown and my hair is less than it was as is my feeling of losing friends I am starting to see that the true ones let me be me. I am thankful for that. The people who truly know me know that I will dance to Gaga, yet rock out to Def Leppard, followed by a little Tiffany to bring my pop self back in order.

The true people in my life know that in order to be authentic I am sometimes like a 10 year old child who laughs at stupid jokes and loves to giggle for no reason when hanging out.

I think that is what I am beginning to treasure more than anything. Authenticity. I know now that I am just me and that if anyone expects me to be more than I can’t accommodate them.

I am thankful that I have more people in my life like that and I feel as I am starting to let more people go who don't get that part of me. The truth is I may not seem like a serious person but I really do take a lot of things serious.

I don't mind anymore to have these mental scars as long as I get to be myself and stay true to my heart and my vision. I am starting to love who my uniqueness and my true authenticity. It is really what makes me.

"I think I realized just in time,
about my old self was hard to find.
You can bathe me in your finest wine but I'll never give you mine.
'Cos I'm a little bit tired of fearing that
I'll be the bad fruit nobody buys,
Tell me, did you think we'd all dream the same?

And doesn't that sound familiar?
Doesn't that hit too close to home?
Doesn't that make you shiver;
the way things could have gone?
And doesn't it feel peculiar
that everyone wants a little more?
so that I do remember to never go that far,
Could you leave me with a scar?"