Depression .. Up from the ground..

After meeting my paternal birth family I realized that depression has ruled my life for years straight from my genetics. I truthfully hate it so much. I hate feeling hopeless and feeling as if I have no control over what I am feeling. The darkness just envelopes me and I it seems the last few years the meds do not help and either does all the positive thinking.

I feel that we live in a very serious time where depression is known about but not taken seriously enough still. It can be so debilitating and life affecting. It can also cause so many so many other health concerns.

I decided on my way to work to think about something positive ... I have plenty to draw from so I am hoping this can be my focus when the times are seeming rough:

I am grateful for:

My partner Jacob, he never ceases to amazing me with his heart and his soul that is so open and protective. He lets me be ME warts and all. He brightens my life every day.

My friends, in particular Brandon, Joey, and Lacey... They have shown me so much about what true friendship is. They allow me to express myself and yet never let me get away with making stupid choices.

My "KIDS": Every day I watch Taffy, and Dutchess and our kitties just show pure unadulterated love. They just want to be comforted or cuddled up to.

My family, I have been blessed with some people in my family that truly shine. I get very frustrated feeling like an outsider with them but they truly help love me.

My creative self: I am thankful for the gift to take pictures and share my vision, music that brightens my life, and words that come from me and teach me to grow.

My community: I have been so touched that I get to share my heart and soul and be a part of POZIAM, CAP, and the communities that I participate in regularly. Through the community I have been allowed to express who I am and grow and become inspired by stories and the people.

I am a blessed person, this is why it feels silly to be depressed but my body obviously does not agree with me. I know I am not alone with my depression but I will continue to work through it by continuing to be grateful.