Tuesday, July 3, 2012

My Shadows

The moment I met Annie I knew her soul to be different, I could not tell you why or how. I think that it started when I heard her shockingly look across the room at my little pup , Dutchess and exclaim "What is that a miniature cow?" I doubled over laughing. Jacob would have more opportunity to spend with her than me but I thought often about how she was doing. Annie passed away last week and what a sad day that was, I think that there is an Angel that is making GOD laugh with big belly laughs...

I met Noah through LIVEJOURNAL back in the day. He was a well live bohemian with pretty blond hair. He lived in Australia. When I started speaking to him he had just returned from India learning about Buddhism. He had been studying the Dalia Lama's teaching and even was able to meet him. I would stay up late nights chatting with Noah about all the great things in his life, including a baby boy, marriage to his husband, and the struggle he had with his third bout of life draining Cancer. I lost touch over the year but when I finally did find out he passed away I was very sad. Noah had an amazing heart, He gave me a gift one year during a late night talk. The song "Swing Life Away" - by Rise Against ... Sometimes the song comes on and I remember Noah fondly.

My aunt Debbie was a great lady. My mom remarried when I was 17. My step-father's family were very cold to me when I first met them. I have to admit it was prob a bit to take on a ready made family. The one though that never made me feel second rate was Debbie. Debbie had a heart that was beautiful. She constantly wanted to know how I was and how life was going after I came out and beyond. The remaining family would ask and then would turn away as I answered. Debbie started slipping from Cancer many years ago. The one thing I remember was when I was at a family Christmas and Debbie, a shell of the lady I knew, skinny, missing part of her tongue due to the Cancer took time to make everything perfect and we all ignored the pain we knew. Within a couple of years Debbie had passed. Having lost her battle with Cancer but I still swear I see her smiling asking me how I am doing.

I hate that some of GOD's creations were on this life for such a short time. I think about it a lot when I see how happy I am in my life and the blessings that I have. I think about how I never knew Jacob's Dad Alan. I hope he knows how happy Jacob and I are and how sad I am to have never met him.

I think that some people touch our lives in a big way despite being but a shadow of our lives, I have been blessed with many "shadows" in my life. The ones that were not here long enough yet somehow made the largest impact. I actually have a hard time connecting with people these as I get older but the Annie's, Noah's, and Debbie's show me that sometimes there is a purpose that some souls serve and they sadly have achieved their goals and floated away.

Tonight I will be sending a prayer to all my SHADOWS and thanking them for all for teaching me lifetime skills and gifts that I plan to take through to the my next stage of my life.

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