The 1st half of 2014 has been rough to say the least. Jacob and I started off with an amazing cruise that was so needed. Little did we know how much so as we stepped into the "life bombs".
Within minutes of returning home I found out that my step-grandmother had passed away from Cancer. Having just spend time with her two months before, it honestly broke my heart to lose someone so amazing. Our small family is still really from this life-bomb.
As I started to move on it made me start question the new phase of my life. I turned 40 in March. In that time I have seen a lot of loss surrounding me and not enough gains. I am watching family and friends grieving losses of loved ones, loved pets, loss of health, and in some cases even forms of mental stability.
Then in mid-May I had an episode at work that left me not able to speak or move for several hours. For the 1st time, in as long as I could remember, I was terrified and scared that I had had a stroke or that the big C word had taken over my body. The wave that ensued through my being made me really reflect on where I am at in my life and where I want to be. My movement came back; my speech slowly returned and received an outpouring of love. Most people prob have to wait til death to feel what I felt in the universe energies and all the prayers sent my way.
"It wasn't my time to go" was my pat response. Inside I had no idea what it all meant. I then stepped back and took time to try and see what it was that I am meant to do. That is is not an easy task. I am still not 100% clear but one lesson that I did learn was that I have so much more work to do.
I made the decisions that I want to continue to help people and that I def want to work in some way shape or form in the medical industry. Upon knowing this I was hit with another shocker when my work decided to cut our pay. I was nudged to start looking for more meaning that I had previously had when job hunting. A couple weeks later I was offer a job with an insurance company.
I am ready for less life-bombs. Though I also realize that now I am on the half of my life where I will lose more than I gained. I think the challenging thing is that the 1st half of my life had so much loss and trauma and life-bombs. I am wanting a break, a chance to breathe.
In the midst of all the challenging times though I have come to see the ones that are the most loving and supportive in my life. Some of them have surprised me and caught me off guard in a good way. The most important ones shown me that this life is a good thing and even with the life bombs that are thrown my way that I will be ok and love.
I have always said "I am second half people". I stand by that statement and know that this year will be better on the second part.
I am a bit more prepared for the life bombs that will be thrown my way. It is a very tough generational thing when you cross the line from the gain/loss momentum. But I know that I am ready to trudge forward and that I am stronger than I was....
BRING ON THE LIFE-BOMBS...... I will not be destroyed.