Phoenix Flight

The last couple weeks have been filled with tears, joy, closeness and a sense of change that things won't and can't be the same ever again...

Last night I lost the fight at feeling younger than my actual age, It has hit me so much the past two weeks just what time holds as we get older. I am finding the shortnes and reality of life making me appreciate so much everyday ...

A couple weeks ago Jacob lost his father very unexpectantly. The jolt that hit Jacob is one that it so hard to even imagine. The emotional rollercoaster that he is on has been a challenge for his family ... in particular his mom. They were married for 38 years. I cant imagine the pain that she is going through. To lose your best freind of most of your life...

The one thing that the whole experience has definitaley shown me is that life is precious and so very fragile. The past four years already showed me this but not as much so as the past two weeks.

FALL is slowly and I am finding time to really stretch my mind and see what I have been doing with the past year and what I plan to do with my life. I have been "soul searching" for long enough. I plan to take the next few days and set a plan in motion.

The biggest endeavours of these will be to spend some time writing "The Letter Project". This will be my life story as I have planned for a while now. The challenge part is that I write all my work by hand and not on a computer.

The next will be spending more time alone learning and ingesting my Guitar and keyboard. I am very comfortable writing the words and the thoughts... the instrumentation skill is what i feel lacking in...

The hardest part as of late is the dichotomous nature that I feel. I know that if I didnt have a lease to uphold that I would so be in Portland and being closer to Jacob. I am glad we are taking time but honestly it has been hard.

I fel as if I have started an amazing and wonderful journey with such an amazing soul and yet I am here in seattle going through all the motions waiting to get the chance to be with my love. Especially during this hard time with the passing of his father. I have honestly started to look at what I can cut back and what I can continue to maintain.

I treasure each moment I have with Jacob. I was talking to him last night and confessed that I have waited my whole life for this. That I have never felt like I could be so unabashedly me. With him I feel safe and protected. I know that for once I have found healthy and good. I have found a glimpse of heaven. I want to be able to say that I am still with my best freind and my lover in 30+ years.

I have finally found true love and all that comes with it. I intend to show what other love I have for my writing, music, and photography. I am feeling it like a deep seeded entity inside me waiting to branch out is about to burst. I am taking the three days off this weekend to create... to nurture the love I have within me.

I am so very thankful the past couple weeks... to my amazing family that continously shows me the extreme love they have for me... for the good and kind hearted freinds that show me so many blessings through their enrichment of my own personal development while I watch their growth... I am thankful for Dutchess who has such an amazing love for life ...

Most importantly I am thankful for Jacob... for showing me more love than I ever thought possible... for showing me that there is a saving grace and kindness that is unlike anything that... for inspiring me and showing me the signal that is ahead ... a roadmap to my future... you are loved and i am so thankful you are in my life...

This PHOENIX is ready for flight!!!!!!!!!!!!