Dam's

I was thinking the last night about dam's. They are amazing wonders of modern technology. I have always been intriqued by them.

When i was 12 my grandma took it upon herself to go on a two day adventure from Spokane to Troy, Mt. I am not really sure what the trip was about except to just get me away for a couple days. We stopped at the Libby Dam. We adventured and went on the tour of the facility.Ii remember just being intriqued at the power and work it took to create something as resouceful as a damn. It held back the waters and let a small amount seep through in order to convert the rest to energy for the betterment of man.

I had forgotten about that trip until two years ago when the guy I was dating at the time talked me into a weekend Portland Trip. The trip was filled with so much great food (he was a chef and thereby a food connosier), some sickness, humour and a trip to Bonneville Dam. I was surprised how intriques i still was with the whole set up of the damn, the fish ladder and all the impacts on of our society.

Move the hands of time forward to last night. I was trying to capture the exact emotion that was in my head. Then it hit me that I was like a damn I have find that I am always on the go, i am like a river moving downstream on my way to the great open waters, my reprive. As I am drifting i am gather rocks, moss, animals, and all sorts of orgamizms in the undertow of my design.

Building creating and drifting brings with it so much emotions, baggages, and a past that is was created and not necesarily in the manner which i hope for.

WHAP!!!

I take it upon myself to slow the calendar, take a much needed break and like those DAM's I am am being filter and converted and twisted through the process. The only thing is that I am a well of so many emotions on the this side. I am realizing that I have been keeping myself and at bay in order to avoid all the emotions and thoughts deeply imbedded inside my head. Now that the filter process is happening I sense a loss, a settling.

Truth is that I am for the first time seeing certain patterns in my life that I have to learn to avoid... the main one being that i tend to distance myself when i get to close to poeple ... a protection? possibly... or is it just a matter of survival .. wanting to live with a certain sense of chaos in my life... my mom once said that is how it always was growing up. That subject is for another blog though .

So now i find myself in a new stage in life a new start and i am working so had to find my footing and not be overwhelmed by the amount of love, freindship and great positive things around me .. . i am hoping that this dam provide some much needed energy for the future that i take away on... a new grand adventure....