What You Own

I was looking around the house the other day as i was picking out closthes for the next day. A habit I started in order to not stress the next morning and get to have just a few extra minutes to sleep in.

As i wandered from the closet of hanging clothes to my drawer that houses socks, underwear and folded up t-shirts i realized how easy it is to count the different relationships.

I looked at the jeans from the latest guy who said it would be an amazing relationship, he lent me the jeans for the night but said i looked so good in them I should keep them.

There was the pirate shirt that i seem to avoid at all costs, why cause cause it makes me remeber I am not that tiny anymore. Not all emacuiated from the summer that nearly ruined me.

i wear a ring i bought that spins around. I bought it to try and not think about the diagnosis that i had less than a week before that would change my world forever.

the shoes that my olympia guy said i would be so great in. " ben sherman is definitely your style." I was so excited to think i had an designer. I mean he researched what designs would look great on me for days ... it was quitet flattering.

I dig a bit deeper and there is the shirt that my first partner had bought me to "pretty" up. He alwasya had a way of making me feel less than. Yet now we are healed and matured. He is a great man.

the fancy almost see through underwear i bought to enjoy the late nights at The Eagle underwear night. I was so scared to walk into a bar and walk around with nothin but shoes and undies on. Yet i did it with a courage i still flounder with a bit. the man i was dating went with me. He is now one of my closest freinds and we joke about it all still.

Looking through all these clothes and somehow in my mind i still smell the scents of the poeple the places and the identities. Each article with their own identity and story. Some of my favortite clothes have disappeared never to be seen again ... there is a reason for that i am sure ... they ran away to hide knowing that just like a repressed memory or a block thought... it is unwise for me to remember...

So i realize that it is time. time to buy some of my own clothes... some new outfits and things that when i think of the articles iof clothing will make me feel like me... the quote the musical... "we are what we rent not what you own" ... well that doesnt work for me anymore i want to own...