Passing Through

I have been taking a bit of a vacation from posting... I was writing a whole bunch and then my life took a little twist...

On November 17th I got a call from my brothers GF telling me that my Grandpa passed away... I was in such shock and the only think I knew to do was directly get onto a plane and go home to Spokane, WA. Arriving there was such a shock in my system not knowing what to do or what to say.

It kicked my brain into gear about thinking about life and what it means and what my purpose was... I have tried to write lately and everything comes out sounds like drudgery shit... I have definitely been thinking about the year and all it has entailed ... a year ago who would have guessed I would have had such an odd year...

My Grandpa passed leaving such legacy behind in my life... When I was 5 years old my Mom and grandparents entered my life. The man that raised me wasn't one for nurturing or for even showing much in the way of love. My Grandpa Roland Edward Moen was on the other end of the spectrum. He was a man with a heart that I admired ...

I would spend summers with my Grandparents house... getting mad to just have to go home. My Grandpa would let me follow him around and be his shadow with no complaining. On the contrary my GP made his grandchildren the center of his world. That wasnt an easy task seeing that my brother aaron and I were not his biological Grandkids yet somehow he never treated us as so.

As a boy I remember thinking how I loved how my GP thought and how I admired his sensitivity. I always looked to staying up til 9.15pm. He was a used car salesman and he would get off work at 9 and get home at 9.15. We would talk about cars and our day. GP would always grab a box of Zweiback. (Children teething cookies) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zwieback. He would put butter on them and then a glass of milk... it was our routine and I loved it ... sometimes we would put some skippers creamy peanut butter on them.

I remember one night of watching Dr. Who and grandpa and I eating Bugles. Well I went a bit crazy and ate the whole box. I woke up vomiting all over the bed and GP. He just got up changed the bedding and his clothes and told me it was all ok and we went back to bed.

My GP taught me about boats, cars, yardworking, gardening, cleanliness (he always said to wipe his shower after use so that it didnt get the water spots) LOL ... He even taught me how to shave. The day of my GP's open house I had to shave and was in the actually bathroom that he showed me how to shave... That is when i finally lost it.

My GP had so much life and even though he was 84 he was still active. In september of this year my GM and GP celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary. I brought Jacob with me. We sat down and my grandpa offered to get Jacob coffee ... at his own anniversary party LOL!!! I am thankful Jacob got to meet my GP.

My GP was certainly my hero. My MoM and I had a lot of time to talk and she agreed that her life was so much better for my GP being in it. I am thankful that he went from an instant heart attack ... knowing he didnt suffer was good but it opened my eyes. Life is short.

This year i have expereienced one of the best things ever ... Meeting my Jacob... he is an amazing man that I click with on every level and I think we came into each others lives for a reason. Earlier this year he lost his Father in a similar way as my GP. It was instant and yet the pain is so hard to even grasp. We both have grown stronger knowing that we are stronger cause we have our strengths to lean on.

I still think daily about my GP and the many things he brought to my life. I hope everyone gets a chance to know a man like him. The last time I saw my GP he was very adament that Jacob and I stop by and get cookies from him. I remember thinking how I thought it odd he was so wanting us to come and see him. I think something in him knew time was precious. I am so glad i got to have that chance to visit with him.

It has definitly brought it to my mind what muy goals and dreams are and what I want to accomplish but I dont know anymore... I figured I would have life more planned by this time. I feel like I am more lost now... i want to go see my GP and talk to him about it but he isnt there... I hate that... I want to be the singer/songwriter that my GP told me he was proud of... I want to be a writer... I want to be a father and a husband...

My GP came to every event in my life... the boring (and bad) plays, cello performances, talent shows, graduations, every event there was to attend my GP was there ... he taught me so much and I feel that I am a part of who I am because of his love.

I think 2009 has been the year of becoming becoming who I am and finding peace ... 2010 is the year for me to take my skills and talent and get them out in the world... time to buckle down and finish the things I have started on my journey... I plan to have many completed projects by years end of 2010.

I am thankful for the the poeple in my life and how many have passed through in some form or another... I am most thankful for Jacob who has been my sanity this past year... he is dreamy and a true gem and inspiration ...