Pt. 1 My Diagnosis

I decided I would start to write about my journey from the beginning. I was listening to the recent POZIAM radio webcast and agree there is a lot to be learned about the world of the newly diagnosed.

My journey started on October 15th, 2005. I woke up one morning and was sick as a dog. I remember getting the shower and I passed out. I was not sure what was going on and proceeded to go to the Dr. Office. They ran a series of tests and sent me to the ER for some speedy lab work.

There was nothing they were able to find and said I must have had some intense flu. I was having intense night sweats and even more intense fever of around 103-105 nightly. The illness wiped me out and left me out of work for two weeks. Before that point I had barely been sick a day a year at work. The feelings subsided and I thought I was better.

A week or so later the same symptoms came back and even more so. I went to the ER thinking they may help me figure out what is the issue. They thought it was Colitis and sent me on my way with some meds. The fevers started again and I was working about 60-70 hours in a retail store a week. I figured it was something I would get through, The Colitis test results came back negative and so I figured it was a nasty flu that just wouldn't go away.

Fast forward to November, 30th. I made me regular appointment with Gay City for my yearly-ish HIV Test. My appointment was at 7pm. I walked in and filled out the routine paperwork and waited. The HIV specialist Miles asked me to come into the tiny room. Large enough for only a small table and two chairs. He took a swab from my mouth and drew a small amount of blood. He explained the test would take 20 minutes and then we would send the blood off to the labs to make sure it was all clear of any other STD's.

"What brings you in?" "My routine test" "Have you had risky behavior" " No the only two people I had been with both told me they were negative and aside from that I haven't been with anyone" "Did you use protection?" "No I trusted them" "What would happen if the test came out positive" " Well I have a great group of friends, but I know its going to negative" "Will anything change if it is negative for you" "Not really cause I am open to my partners about things"

20 minutes passed....

"OK Michael you ready" "Sure, of course" "Michael your POSITIVE" ... I still remember that feeling as he said it ... "You mean positive I'm negative right?"

"No Michael you tested positive for HIV"

I just sat there stunned. For the first time in a long time I had no words no reaction. My head just felt like it was spinning and it wouldn’t stop. I remember Miles asked if i was ok. "Of course I will, why wouldn't I" Those were the words I said but I wanted to just scream “YOU STUPID F**KER OF COURSE I’M NOT OK. I HAVE SOMETHING THAT’S GOING TO KILL ME” But instead I stayed calm. He just sat there and looked concerned. He said "Listen I rarely do this but I am worried about you, can I give you a hug" ... I let him hug me and I left in a daze, making my return appointment for the next week.

All the questions in my head were too much and I as I walked to my car I just fell. It was if my legs were gone and I wasn’t able to stand anymore. I called my close friend Ro at the time and asked to come visit him. He said he would meet me and that he was here for me. The funny part was even with him there I was alone.

I found out that apparently it was not legal for any doctors to ask for me to take an HIV test and I assumed they would have if they thought hat was even a chance. I attempted to contact the two people I had been with one answered and was so mad at me. He yelled and said he would get tested. The other guy didn’t answer. I was so lost and confused at what to do, who to call, who to tell.

After trying to hunt down the guy that didn't answer I found him online. I told him about finding out my status. He said "Oh I should get tested I guess" ... seemed an odd reaction... I spoke to some of his friends and found out that he had actually known that he was HIV+ for at least two years.

I found the person again online and explained that I knew about his lack of truthfulness. I explained that I knew that I could prosecute but that I wouldn’t with the agreement he change his status online and he be truthful. The truth is that I had been sick now for 6 weeks and had no energy to go after him. It wouldn’t change that I was already now Poz and had to deal with what I had.

TO BE CONTINUED...
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