5th Poziversary

5 years ago today my life changed... I entered a new world that I never thought I would have to deal with much less live in. I was diagnosed with HIV. I look back to that time and sometimes feel like life began all over that day. It was as if I had I was taken apart and put back together.


In the past 5 years I have written many ideas on re creating myself and starting life anew. I wrote a few years ago about my "car" aka my life. A car has to have 4 tires to run properly and without a hitch. In the past 5 years I watched my "car" get many flats only to watch it be ready to drive and then to get more flats but I think I am on a path with the right mechanics.


I think of my soul as a car, the 4 tires are represented by:


Spirit: My spirit is healing every day. 5 years ago my spirit seemed empty and crushed. It felt like a smashed mosaic that would never find the right shape again. The truth is that I was very correct. It didn't find the shape that I wanted it to. Instead it took on a whole new shape. I started reading on Buddhism, The Secret, Power of Intention, and Law of Attraction. Then I started to dig deep within my soul and see what there was hidden beneath the surface and was surprised to find a deep seeded sense of purpose. It was within me all along.


Health: Health has been a funny one over the past several years. I have had more health related issue than ever before in my life. This could be due to getting older, HIV, or just the general things that happen in life. The one true thing I have learned is that we only have one body and that we have to take care of it or it falls apart. I am on my way to healthier all the time. Despite the exhaustion I am the healthiest I have ever been. I am even looking to do a run in March.


Career: I struggled for years trying to figure out my perfect career. After my diagnosis I stumbled into something that I did not expect. I started to volunteer and I fell in love with helping others. In particular I gained a passion for helping newly diagnosed HIV people. I am not sure yet how I will be able to utilize the skills that I gained but I know that there is some path opening up.

I have also gained a huge sense of what creative direction that my heart lays and where that is going to lead. I see it in my mind and I know what I want and I can already visualize how that is going to be happening.


Relationships: Of all the biggest surprises that I have had over the past 5 years I have to say the most eye opening has been the relationships that I have been a part of. I lost many people upon my diagnosis that I thought were true friends. I watched as many around me couldn't cope or deal with what my life entailed. I fell into a couple of very bad and hurtful relationships with friends that I learned so much from through the experiences. But something happened after a time with some very deep and intense therapy. I started to heal and become more whole than ever before. I started making better friendships. Ones that finally were lifetime friends. Then the surprise of all surprises: I met Jacob. Jacob has shown me that dreams really do come true and that you can find love but only when the time comes and your soul is ready.



All in all the past 5 years have been a ride and an adventure. I know that being HIV+ has not killed me by any means. If anything they have actually gave me more of a desire to live than I have ever had before. I am more thankful for the people in my life and the adventures I have had. I am thankful for the dreams and the ability to be present in this time and space now.