Better Than A Hallelujah...

God loves a lullaby/In a mothers tears in the dead of night
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes.
God loves a drunkards cry/The soldiers plea not to let him die
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes

I have been listening to this song a lot lately. I know why. It is due mostly to my internal longing for my spirituality. It is a deep seeded need that I have had for a long time. I have wondered for years about my spiritual role and what it means for my current self. Sometimes it is a matter of merging the former self with the current self. That is a tough morphing to accomplish.

We pour out our miseries/God just hears a melody
Beautiful the mess we are /The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah

I was born and baptized catholic. I even attended a private catholic school until I was in 3rd grade. My Mom who was in my life when I was around 5 then decided it was time for us to be baptized into her church. It was then I was baptized Lutheran. I question from a young age many, may ideologies and doctrines in an effort to understand the nature and power of an omnipotent all knowing entity.

The woman holding on for life/The dying man giving up the fight
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes
The tears of shame for what's been done/The silence when the words won't come
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes.

I struggled so much with the idea of a god and a higher power as well. My father died when I was 1-1/2. It took many years to not be angry with GOD and to feel that he took him something away that was a part of me. For years I said that GOD and I were in therapy. I think sometimes it is still true.

We pour out our miseries/God just hears a melody
Beautiful the mess we are /The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah

In my teenage years my Lutheran pastor in a middle of his own crisis gave a sermon where he stated "we are all dogs in GOD's eyes". I was disillusioned and left the church. In my teenage search I ended up being captivated by the hope and promises offered by the LDS (Mormon) church. That lasted a number of years until I saw the truth that was in my eyes a group of very misled people. The one thing I pulled from the church though was that our Holy Father was a father who loved his children very much and hated to see us in pain and hurt but gave his son for that need.

Better than a church bell ringing,
Better than a choir singing out,singing out.

I started looking for peace and stumbled into the world of Buddhism and peace. Less a religion and more a daily practice of compassion, love, forgiveness and caring. I lost the idea of church and started to find a deeper meaning in my life within me and found that I had a higher power in me. I never stopped listening to good music with religious overtones. I never lost that feeling that there is a deeper spiritual meaning within me. I have never thought for one moment there wasn't a higher power.

I think sometimes the daily conversations and energy we share with our higher power are better than a hallelujah. I know now more than ever that religion and spirituality is extremely personal and between the person and what they deem a higher power. I am very thankful for that and for my Free will.

We pour out our miseries/God just hears a melody
Beautiful the mess we are /The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah

Better Than A Hallelujah as recorded by Amy Grant.