Catch My Breath

Sometimes I find myself needing to catch my breath, I am bad at it though. I have thought myself wrong for so long for being so busy because I thought I was ignoring some inner thing within me.

The truth is, that is not the case at all. I have been blessed, I think about it a lot. The fact that have now lived through 7 years of being HIV+ and am in a good place is no accident. I have worked hard to get where I am at. I have bared my soul and glimpsed the person I am still in process of becoming.

When it comes down to it I love service work, If i could find a way to make my actually work service work I would. I am obviously not there yet, so I will continue to do what I am doing now, writing my experiences, sharing my story, and working towards my goals and share the blessings I have been given.

Sitting down and thinking about it I am still in amazement, 7 years ago I thought my world has crashed and burned and left me laying on the side like road kill (gross but true). Yet I feel I am worth more than ever and ready to pass the blessings on. I have seen so many lose their identities to a disease that has been so stigmatized and worse; been rejected and demoralized.

I know now that the biggest obstacle for me at this time is breathing, I think it is a time for me to catch my breath and balance out what I need and what I desire from my life.

I know that I am ready to bound and let go of my ego a bit and bare my soul, It is a scary idea. The proposition is one that involves some letting go and allowing myself to feel some things I have not felt before.

I will continue to breathe, stop and catch my breathe....