Moving on... Growing up...

I am feeling a bit topsy turvy as of late... I wasn't planning to write an "update" blog but I figured that I had to for my own state of mind and sanity... at least get it out of my brain...
All this started about a year ago ... I was so content with what my life had brought into the healing that I was experiencing. I had been in intensive therapy for a couple years and life was good. Then I met Jacob. I had no clue at the time that a relationship would fit into my world but I know life felt different the moment I walked into Barnes and Nobles to meet Jacob. I saw him and it really was different than anything I had thought or felt before.
No guy I knew had ever driven 7 hours round trip just to have a date with me before but he did and then he continued to. The night after our first date I remember staying awake looking at the ceiling and smiling and telling Dutchess (my Chihuahua) all about Jacob.
Flash forward through some great memories, experiences and a very trying and bonding year to last week. I stayed with Jacob in Portland and did some interviews. Last Monday (2/1/2010) I was offered a job and I accepted. This means so much to me. I will be moving in with a man that I love so much and who I truly adore and is all I have dreamt of.
I have wanted to move to Portland for a couple years now but I knew it wasn’t the right time quite yet. Well the right time came and I will be moving on 2/15/. I am sitting in my desk at AT&T for the second to last day and just feel a mix of happiness and sadness.
The sadness in knowing that there is so many great people in Seattle are that I will truly miss and there are so many memories here that are engrained inside me. Growth and strength that I never knew was there when I started living here. Sadness in letting more of my "kids" go and be growing on their own adventure without me as a constant.
Though there is a happiness as well that it is finally my time to grow and live and enjoy the moments that I have longed for my whole life. I know that I have resisted letting myself completely go in a relationship due to a sense of duty to the ones that I love. I know that I have made sacrifices and pushed myself for others. Well this is my time. I feel like a grown up for once. I feel so happy that I am "Defying Gravity" (yes, a Wicked musical reference) and taking care of my wants over others for the first time in my life.
I feel it is my time to settle down and find what I have seen so many others get and I have supported my loved ones as a way to heal myself. Now I see though that I am healed and that I want to be happy and grow old with Jacob and know that I have so much kindness and love around me.
That is beauty of life... it is always changing and growing and morphing. Once you think that you have it figured out you will see that you are only beginning the journey. Just now finally scratching the surface of what you are capable of. I am capable of more than I have ever allowed myself to experience.
YES! I am giddy and excited. I am so ready for experience that I can own and not "rent" from others ... This is my time and I plan to take full advantage of it and with the support of those around me it will be amazing and brilliant. With Jacob as my partner in this life it will be a journey that is more about us and not as much just them....
Portland here I come....